


That's a real one in your reflection.

by istherecolour



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Dubious Consent, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mafia AU, Prompt Fic, Sad Lim Changkyun | I.M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:39:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istherecolour/pseuds/istherecolour
Summary: Somehow, it stops making his skin itch and his bones ache. He stops hating what he sees in the mirror.It becomes something along the lines of bearable. Tolerable.And honestly? It could be worse. Sex work isn’t so bad. But only when it’s with Hyungwon.[Falling, loving and admitting your love for someone is harder than you think.]





	That's a real one in your reflection.

**Author's Note:**

> Hyungkyun Gang!Au where Hyungwon is a gang leader and Changkyun is his boyfriend + Possessive!Hyungwon and Naughty!Changkyun (M)
> 
>  
> 
> based on this tumblr prompt from [mx request forum](https://mx-requests-forum.tumblr.com/) i went a bit away with this request but hopefully the anon still enjoys this. i really enjoyed writing this since its been a REALLY long time since ive written something ive enjoyed so much. kudos, comments, subs appreciated a lot! 
> 
>  
> 
> title from nice for what - drake.

 

**_FALLING_ **

 

                “You owe me a lot of money.” Hyungwon is scary and beautiful.

That’s the first thing that Changkyun thought when he barged through Changkyuns’ door and punched him square in the jaw, making him fall flat on his back into the living room. He’s almost as scary as winter in Seoul.

When was the last time he saw the Boss? Months ago, it was. Months ago, probably, when the weather was better; the sky wasn’t brooding, the clouds were the lightest shade of white and the Seoul night air didn’t seem so rough on his skin.

“You owe me a substantial amount of money, Changkyunn _ie_.”

He’s like a tiger or a lynx, Changkyun thought. So striking; so beautiful, so _dangerous._ Alluring is another word to use, he thought. There’s something about him that makes him so captivating that you’d risk your own life for him.

Was it a good idea to take money out from a loan shark? No. Was it a good idea to avoid the violently written letters shoved under his door for the last two months? No. And was it an even _worse_ idea to cut himself off with every piece of social media? Yes. It was a mistake.

And is Changkyun paying the price? Yes. The door is slammed shut and bolted and Changkyun couldn’t even get up and yell for someone when a foot slams into his chest, sending him flying back onto the carpet,

“You knew you can’t hide from me, right?” Hyungwon said, as a matter of face. Changkyun remembered sitting in study hall hearing these rumours about the mafia Boss that’ll come for anyone and _everyone._

“B-Boss,” Changkyun pleads, blinking. “Boss, it’s not like that, I swear.”

Changkyun remembered begging on his knees for those few hundred dollars months ago in Hyungwons’ office; he remembered tears pooling up in his eyes and not being able to look up over the oak desk. He remembered pressing his hands together and his lips trembling. Changkyun vividly recalls when his life ended up like this – twenty-three years old and begging for money in a run-down office that probably was the same value as the clothes on his back.

“I gave you three hundred dollars. You signed a contract with my men and I to pay us that back. _All_ of it, plus interest.” Ah, yes. In the midst of having a nervous breakdown equally mixed with trembling in fear in that moment, Changkyun remembered being manhandled into the seat to see the Boss – dark soulless eyes boring into his own and a pair of pouty lips pressed into a thin line. He remembered signing the contract, shakily, and Boss looking at him with an almost smile. “That’s five hundred and fifty dollars you owe us, Changkyun.” _Five hundred?_ That’s – that’s two thirds of his rent.

“I’ll – I’ll pay the money back.” Changkyun whimpered, nodding and they both knew it’s a lie. Hyungwon moves his foot onto his chest and presses downwards _hard._ It’s a sharp, twisting pain. “I’ll – I’ll pay you back! I will, I just need time.” Fingers curl around his ankle and Hyungwon kicks it off like it’s nothing.

“Why should I believe you?” Hyungwon, from this angle, is truly a terrifying kind of beautiful. Did Changkyun mention that? That Hyungwon has these eyes that captivate you from the start; they’re dark and intriguing. They make you wonder. “Look at this shithole, you can’t even afford to pay me back, let alone even survive.”

“Boss, I promise -,” Changkyun went deadly silent when Hyungwon pulls out a pistol with a silencer from his jeans waistband. It’s discreetly hidden and honestly, Changkyun never even knew about it until he moved his blazer to the side and saw the silver and brown leather.

Panic: _unlocked_.

His heart was already slamming against his ribcage like a car pile up on the highway, and now, he can’t even move properly. He was completely paralyzed with fear and the prospects of dying, that seemed so slim, are suddenly higher than high. _Why why why?_

“ _Please._ ” It’s choked out desperately, with hot tears streaming down his face and an ugly hiccup leaking from his mouth. “I – I can pay.”

“Answer the question,” Hyungwon said slowly, aiming down at Changkyun. That ugly sob gets louder. “Why should I believe that you have _my_ money?” Such a good point. Why _should_ Hyungwon believe someone as lowly as Changkyun? Someone who turns to the mafia to get money, who can’t even go to the bank and get a loan?

“I’m – I’m in between jobs and – and I just don’t have the money because I – I’m in university and – and -,” he can’t even string the sentence together without that sob slipping out. He closes his eyes and his mind goes blank.

He’s going to throw up.

And be killed.

All in his ratty apartment: with its broken doors, cracked windows and shitty heating – ironic, he took out that money, so he could pay his rent and afford _some_ food.

“Please, I can get the money I just – I just need time!” Hyungwon raises the gun and shoots at the wall.  It’s a loud, echoing sound that makes his ears ring and his throat dry. The bullet moves at the speed of light before his very eyes and sits in the wall snugly. Changkyun closes his eyes and that thick sob that he was holding back comes out.

“I deal with a lot of guys like you,” Hyungwon said easily with a deep sigh. “So annoying, you knew? You’ll beg that I give you an extension on the loan and you’ll even say to double the amount and sometimes, if I’m feeling nice, I will. Then, I’ll come back, and you’ve skipped town somewhere quiet and I’ll have to send someone to fetch you like the animal you are.” He presses hard against Changkyuns chest. “So annoying – it’s easier if I get rid of a tumour like you before you become a disease.”

“I’ll do anything. Please, I’ll do _anything._ ” He’s desperate, gingerly moving his hands up to Hyungwons’ ankle and letting his fingers close around it again. “Please. Please. _Please._ ”

Hyungwon looks thoughtful as he said, “anything?” Changkyun nods through the tears.

“A-Anything.” Hyungwon moves his foot off Changkyuns chest and suddenly, Changkyuns feels a lot heavier than before. _Anything?_ Why did he say that, _why why why?_ Now, there’s no turning back. There are two options he could take: one, he said he’s lying. He pleads silently to himself that Hyungwon doesn’t kill him. (But Changkyun knew as soon as he even gets the first syllable out of his mouth, a bullet will be lodged snugly in his skull.)

So Changkyun, with his tear stained face and red eyes, nods. He nods and nods and nods until it feels like his head is going to fall off.

“I’ll make you a deal.” Hyungwon said, crouching down. He let the tips of his fingers across Changkyuns’ face, almost mockingly as he smirked. “I have a feeling you won’t be able to say no to this, Changkyun. You’re all mine, okay?”

**_LOVING_ **

 

                 Changkyun sleeps with Hyungwon to pay off his debut.

                It’s simple maths really: the debut inflates by ten percent every month, so it wasn’t five hundred dollars he’d have to pay off – it’s just under three grand. And Changkyun barely has enough money to survive and even _less_ money to pay of his debut. The suggestion was a casual suggestion that seemed too thought through to be as nonchalant as Hyungwon made it seem.

                “Me?” Changkyun had mumbled, twisting his fingers around in his lap and staring at his shoes when Hyungwon had called him to his apartment on a sour winters morning afternoon. Sitting uncomfortably, Changkyun felt out of place. With everything – especially with the way Hyungwon was dressed, almost matching the sleek black-and-white theme. “Sleeping with you?” Flustered wouldn’t have been a good way to describe the way he looked; cheeks rosy and eyes darting from either side.

                “It’s that,” Hyungwon had said, swirling around a glass a wine before taking a sip. “Or I break a bone in your body until you pay me back. It’s up to you, really.” And well – did Changkyun really have a choice? So, he agrees reluctantly.

Months pass and the first time they ever have sex, Changkyun cries.

It’s rough with Hyungwons hand curled around his throat; dirty words whispered against his skin like a mantra; bruises blooming over his skin like flowers; and the sound of slapping skin echoing throughout the room. Changkyun lied on his back, gripping the sheets and let it happen. He didn’t expect it to be so . . . so _rough._

So meaningless.

He never expected to be thrown about like a ragdoll.

He didn’t let Hyungwon see as he left his apartment, slight limp to his walk with tears cascading down his face when the sun set into the sky and the Seoul was covered in a blanket of darkness that night. He never let Hyungwon hear the soft, quiet sobs that would come after when he’s sliding out of the bed and Hyungwon would roll over away from him.

Gradually, once he gets used to the feeling, he’s being pressed into the back of Hyungwons’ bed – face down – with his clothes thrown somewhere around his bedroom, it stops being so bad. The feeling of Hyungwons fingers inside him become second nature; the feeling of a hand curled around his neck feels too normal.

Somehow, it stops making his skin itch and his bones ache. He stops hating what he sees in the mirror.

It becomes something along the lines of bearable. Tolerable.

And honestly? It could be worse. Sex work isn’t _so_ bad. But only when it’s with Hyungwon.  

Of course, that doesn’t stop Changkyun from scrubbing his skin until it’s red and blistering from hot water in the shower for the first few months in the winter time. It doesn’t stop those nightmares that flood through his mind and Changkyun wakes up, sweating and sobbing uncontrollably. And it doesn’t stop him from lingering against Hyungwon when it’s over – confused and dazed completely and realizing what’s he doing.

                Somehow, it’s stop being dirty. The soft crying in the shower stops; the way Changkyun would hold himself tightly in bed, shivering and reliving it all like a nightmare stops slowly.

The seasons change and so does Hyungwon. The cherry blossoms bloom prettily and the entire city looks like something from a drama.

                Somehow, they become friends – well, acquaintances who only meet for sex, really.

Somehow, Changkyun learns something new about Hyungwon each time; like Hyungwon lives on the south-side of Seoul in a penthouse that costs as much as his own tuition. Hyungwon likes when Changkyun is doing all the work; rolling his hips, rocking them side to side and leaving dark forming marks all over his neck and Hyungwon won’t ever admit it, but he likes Changkyun a little more than a friends.

                And that’s where the problems start.

                Hyungwon was always rough.

 Always possessive, always whispering about he’s one that could only make him feel this good, _ever._ That roughness turns into something a bit fond after a few months. Fondness that is soft caressing of Changkyuns’ face, light kisses along his neck before it’s slipped in, hand holding that give shim butterflies and long kisses that shouldn’t make his entire body feel . . . feel, well, like _this._ Like nothing else matters.

Like only Changkyun matters.

Changkyun _shouldn’t_ matter like that.

Because, it’s bad enough to have sex with someone like Hyungwon – who’s colder than winter and with eyes as dark as the night. But it’s worse to have your heart flutter at everything they do. He shouldn’t let his heart flutter at _all._

“You look exhausted.” The bed dips and Hyungwon lets his fingers brush across Changkyuns face gently – it’s an action that Changkyun would never associate with Hyungwon at all. “Did I fuck you _that_ good that you can’t even more?” The sky looks like a painting with the way the twilight colours filter through the blinds. Changkyun can’t remember having this feeling of exhaustion take over his body.

“Yeah.” Changkyun says, smiling slightly before huffing. “I feel like I could potentially sleep for a decade.” Hyungwon hums at that, fingers running from his cheek to his neck, seeing the bruises blooming like ugly flowers. Changkyun swallows and swats his hand away.  

“Then go to sleep. Your face is screaming exhaustion.” And it’s said softly and sweetly. Something that Hyungwon isn’t – he isn’t soft touches or candy-coated words. He’s rough like gravel and speaks like nothing matters.

And maybe that’s why Changkyun scoffs, pushing his hand away.

What’s with him? Why is Hyungwon being like this?

Since when did Hyungwon develop a complex like this? Pretending to care, pretending to make sure Changkyun is okay. Changkyun distinctly remembers how they fucked in the back of Hyungwons’ car and how Hyungwon left marks all over his body and pressed his teeth into his neck like a vampire.

“I’ll get up, it’s fine.” Changkyun says as he attempts to sit up. Hyungwons hand is much larger and pushes him down against the bed. It’s not hard or anything, it’s just – just _caring._ And Changkyun, for the past year that they’ve been doing this, doesn’t know Hyungwon to be anything like this.

Sure, there are times where Changkyun would fall asleep and Hyungwon would leave the room and sure, on occasion, Hyungwon would even go as far to drop Changkyun home. But he isn’t like this.

God, he isn’t so . . . so _caring._ And _gentle._

Maybe in another universe, this was what Hyungwon could be like. He’d be so chivalrous, so gentlemanly.

“Just sleep. You look like you’ll fall down and smash your head open.”

“When did you start caring?” it’s blunt – slices through Hyungwons stoic expression so quickly that if you’d blink, you might’ve missed it. It’s so crude, so _hurtful._ He looks to the side for a second before having that stoic expression back on his face. “I’m fine.” He sits up again, pushing off the duvet from over him. Slipping out from under the covers, Changkyun grabs his jeans.

“You’re exhausted.” Arms curl around his waist and Changkyun never realised, until now, how much he liked it. How much he craved to be held like this. When was the last time someone ever did this to him? Hyungwon holding him like this makes him almost feel – safe. And how stupid is that? The word safe and Hyungwon should _never_ be uttered in a sentence together. Hyungwon lets out a small hum and Changkyun can’t help it – his fists are balled up, but he silently indulges in this moment.

“Lie down.” He almost does it. Hyungwons bedroom is like the garden of Eden – his safe place. The place where he feels immortal, where nothing but them being together matters truly.

“I’m always exhausted, Hyungwon. What’s the difference between now or then?” it’s spoken with an edge to his voice.

“Nothing.” Hyungwon says, not letting going. “The difference is I’m here now.” And something inside him cracks. If Changkyun was an antique plate, then Hyungwon would’ve just broken him into a million pieces with those words.

“Hyungwon, stop it.” No.

_No._

Hyungwon isn’t suddenly allowed to be like this. Like Changkyun is the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up and falls asleep.

“Careful what you say.” Hyungwon says lowly, pulling Chankyun in closer. “I do care.” And like that, Changkyun freezes. Hyungwon . . . _caring?_ There’s a difference between being fond and saying something you just _don’t_ mean. Is there even a caring bone in Hyungwons body?

“I should go.”

 “Don’t be like this.” Hyungwon says it lowly. “I want you to stay.” And that shouldn’t make his stomach fill up with butterflies.

“You’re mine.” No, this is Hyungwon – in the entire time they’ve been having this arrangement, Hyungwon isn’t cute or sweet or anything. In fact, does he even have these emotions inside of him? Changkyun, if this was back in the winter, would have stayed. He _would_ have let Hyungwon fuck him silly and press meaningless kisses along his neck. He would have watch the snow fall as he lied in bed, motionless, with Hyungwon by his side.

But it’s spring and Changkyun looks at the way the sky is, and he thinks about how this is nothing but sex. And yet – _and yet. . ._

Changkyun untangles himself like prey from a snake from Hyungwon. His feet feel cold against the tiled floor as he moves up from the bed and towards his t-shirt discarded on the floor

“You’re not allowed to act like this when you don’t care enough to know me.” And honestly, Changkyun stopped fearing Hyungwon a long time ago. It was between the fifth and sixth time they had sex and Hyungwon had smiled – all eyes and his lips bending into the prettiest shape Changkyun had ever seen.

Being anxious and scared are two different things that seem to be pulled apart at the hem.

But right now, they seem too mutually exclusive for Changkyuns’ liking.

It’s the sound of this footsteps – they’re heavy against the floor and send chills down his spine. Changkyun doesn’t make it to the bedroom door, no, he’s pressed against the wall as quick as a blade entering him – being flipped around and a hand around his neck – with Hyungwon letting his eyes bore into him. They’re dark and possessive.

“Tell me why I’m not allowed to act like this.” It’s not a question – a question leaves a room for an answer. For a solution to something. No, this a statement because a statement is something stated and cannot be refuted. How Changkyun refute this?

 He blinks wildly and can’t even bring himself to open his mouth.

“You agreed to this.”

“I – I know.” Changkyun chokes out.

“I act how I want to act. If that means I want to touch you, I will. Understand?” And Changkyun does. Hyungwon presses his lips against Changkyun and even though everything in Changkyuns body is screaming out against this, he ignores it and lets Hyungwons hand slip up his t-shirt, fingers thumbing over his nipple.

 

****

**_ADMITTING_ **

       

        “You’re so tight,” Hyungwon lets out a breathy moan, both hands curling into the mattress, letting his hips pound away at Changkyun. The bed squeaks loudly; the headboard smacking against the wall. It’s rough, ruthless and leaves Changkyun gasping and begging for more with every smack of their skin. Tightening his legs around Hyungwons waist, Changkyun rocks his body as much as he can. God, when was the last time Hyungwon fucked him this good? It wasn’t since spring – not since then because Changkyun couldn’t bear to be around Hyungwon. No, after their fight (which wasn’t a fight, per say) he avoided Hyungwon like the plague.

And it was fine.

For the first three weeks until Changkyun was the one knocking on Hyungwons door, and practically throwing himself on him.

“Fuck, you feel so good, baby.” And Changkyun hates how he preens at that – he hates as he opens his eyes to see Hyungwon leering over him with his hair matted and eyes dark completely. He hates how Hyungwons’ voice is raw, and it pushes him closer to the edge. He hates how he Hyungwon knows his body better than he does.

        “ _More._ ” It’s gasped out between thrusts. Hyungwon complies happily and presses him deeper into the mattress, fingers digging into his waist. No, Changkyun isn’t supposed to feel his heart beating a hundred times faster and he isn’t supposed to be so . . . _so content._ God, what happened to hating this? To wishing it was over. Why does he want more? Why does Changkyun want to be Hyungwons everything. “More, Hyungwon – I’m so close.” He’s so needy but that isn’t a secret. Hyungwon looks so fucked out, it’s almost laughable.

“Don’t hold back, baby.” A mouth finds its way to his neck and Changkyun doesn’t stop himself when his fingers find themselves pulling on Hyungwons hair.

Why does this feel like love?

“Tell me what you need.” Hyungwon moans out breathily.

“I need you.” Changkyun whines. “I need you, so badly, Hyungwon.”

At the beginning, it was so rough, so awful that it _couldn’t_ be loving. Everything about it was torturous. But now – _now_ when Changkyun loops his arms around Hyungwon neck, pulling him in for a sloppy kiss (something that Hyungwon would’ve never done months and months ago) it feels almost like –

Almost like this could be real.

And genuine.

Not like it’s just something casual that’s a means to an end.

“All mine.” Hyungwon says it and Changkyun couldn’t agree more. No one can compare to Hyungwon – not in the slightest.

“All yours.” And like that – Changkyun breaks. Hyungwons hips move faster and Changkyun sees stars. A hand curls around his shaft and it doesn’t take more than a few strokes to send him over the edge. Hyungwon ruts into him a few more times before halting, body going rigid and flopping onto of him. And that’s the thing – having these thoughts during sex is the worst. Because everything is tinted rosy; it’s not real.

Hyungwon pulls out and Changkyun winces at the feeling.

They lie in silence for a few moments – Changkyun glances over to see Hyungwon staring up at the ceiling, unmoving with his chest heaving. The summer sky streams through the blinds and it feels like déjà vu with the orange and pinks bouncing off each and every wall.

“You don’t need to sleep with me anymore.” It’s said simply. Hyungwon doesn’t bother moving his head. If Hyungwon would’ve said this months and months ago, Changkyun would agreed blindly. He wouldn’t hesitate in agreeing and getting the hell out of here but now –

_Now?_

He can’t. Not when he wants to be Hyungwons side. He couldn’t see his life without Hyungwon in it – no, Hyungwon touch and his words are embedded into his soul. There’s no way he could leave so easily.

“What if I didn’t want to?” Hyungwon tilts his head to the side.

“You know what kind of person I am, right?” Changkyun nods. “I’m not a good person to love.” The first time they ever properly met, Changkyun had cried. The second time, Hyungwon punched him around the face.

“Isn’t that a shame.” Changkyun smiles and rolls over. Hyungwon snorts and lets his arm reach out. There’s something oddly comforting about this – about still being naked covered messes in a bed where Changkyun used to vehemently hate every part of being fucked like a ragdoll. Now, it’s his favourite place to be.

“If I see you with someone else, you’ll know I’ll kill them, right?” Changkyun nods and moves up to Hyungwon happily.

“I’ll let you.”


End file.
